December 3, 2014

Okay.  So here’s the deal.  Pregnancy doesn’t get any easier when it’s the third time around.  No siree!  But….if you are determined…YOU can get BETTER at it.  Let me try to explain.

My expecting neighbor across the way is blessed to sleep in if she wants to, since this is her first pregnancy.  A time to cherish, I must say.  I wish I would have cherished that sacred time more when I had the chance!  But I don’t envy her.  It’s okay. J I get to wake up to my little Mary’s sweet voice saying good morning to me every morning and a little snuggle from little William.  Priceless.  I thought that for certain, the Lord would bless me with a morning sickness-free pregnancy, since we were obeying the inspiration that we had received to expand our family.  Well, I guess that natural biology still applies, even if you are listening to the Still Small Voice.  Ha!  Right on cue, once six weeks came along, the waves of nausea came flowing in.  I want to be sick, just typing the words “waves” and “nausea”.  BUT!  Here is my little proud moment.  I haven’t actually vomited (is there a better word to use than that word?)  I am MAKING SURE that I eat something before I even get up (vertically) in the morning.  Isaac will cut up an apple and bring me a slice or something like that.  Then, I take little sips of water and continue snacking until breakfast is ready.  I get ready too, because nobody feels happy or complete or refreshed for a new day until you are fully dressed and ready to face the day.  It just gives you more energy.  And it is a good habit.  And I want to be full of good habits by the end of my life! (Song from “Annie” – You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile” should be running through your head now, as it is in mine.) J Then we eat, and I have to serve myself now – Isaac can’t serve me anymore, as he previously did.  Only I know the amount my body needs in that exact moment.  And if something begins to make me feel sick, I immediately put it down and out of my sight, and either nibble on something else that may work, or sip water, or walk away from the kitchen.  Then, throughout the morning,, I have to eat or drink water every 20-30 minutes.  And as SOON as I feel morning sickness come on, I think quickly about what my body needs.  If I wander into the kitchen and start rummaging through the pantry, cupboards and fridge, I am sure that I would be sick.  So, if I have a plan before I go into the kitchen, I am much more successful.  I also don’t eat in the kitchen.  I just want to focus on the one thing I am eating without having to take in any other food sights or smells.

Mornings and early afternoons are the toughest times.  Then a little bout in the evening.  But in the midafternoon, I have a little welcomed reprieve.  I always look forward to that!  I take my prenatal pills and any other supplements in the evening when I know I won’t be sick.  I buy my prenatal pills and supplements from Melaleuca.  And Melaleuca = $$$, so I don’t want those to go to waste.

I wondered aloud to Isaac if I would gain a lot of weight this pregnancy with all of the extra eating.  After he asked me what I was eating for all of my snacks, I realized that most of them were fruits and veggies (my body feels best after fresh food), with the occasional fried egg or quesadilla with beans and tomatoes.

I sit down when I need to, but when I am feeling pretty good, I get up and do dishes, clean, laundry, ironing, email, make meals, etc…  With a houseful of children (and in 600 sq. ft., two children really is a “houseful”), you cannot be lackadaisical. ESPECIALLY when you are a woman who requires order in her home, home cooked meals, and peace.  I MUST HAVE A CLEAN HOME and I MUST MAKE HOME COOKED MEALS.  That’s how I am, and how my mother was, and my grandmother, and great grandmother and so on and so forth.  It is just in my blood, and if I were to depart from that path, I would be a disappointment to myself and to my beloved feminine ancestors.  I enjoy it and find great satisfaction from it.  There have been times when I haven’t found satisfaction, but when I have persevered, the joy and satisfaction comes.  WELL.  This presents a bit of a problem when you have morning sickness and the diminished energy that usually accompanies most pregnancies.  So I have to really utilize my time.  When the children are napping, I ask myself, “What do I need to accomplish in these 2 hours?  What things do I need to get done now that would be harder to get done when those two little ones are up?”  I am really learning to prioritize and get better at this!  Not perfect yet, but getting there.

I think that the biggest difference with this pregnancy from the others is that I have become stronger, more persistent at listening to what my body needs and at getting things DONE.  I really feel like I am growing closer to the Lord too through all of this.  I feel like if I can overcome my body, and still find the strength and energy to strive to be a loving and patient mother, and to serve others, and to make my home a haven for my husband from the hardships of the world that he encounters every day, then I feel like the Lord will be able to count on me to fulfill other tasks throughout my life to help move His work and purpose for his children forward.  I really feel like I am accomplishing things!!  I am sure that a woman of the world would look at me and think that I am accomplishing nothing, and that I am not reaching my fullest potential, but she doesn’t know what I feel to be true.  I hope that one day she will.  I hope all women can one day feel the joy that I and countless other women have found and are continuing to find in the home.  Our places.  Our dominion.  Our heaven on Earth.  (Even though some days it seems like a hell.  Haha.  But there must needs be opposition in all things, so that we may know the good from the bad.  The happy from the sad.)

My first pregnancy’s morning sickness was AWFUL.  I had that really horrible morning sickness (I can’t remember what it is called – Duchess Catherine has it right now.) I lost 26 pounds in the first 13 weeks, and was hospitalized. I was severely dehydrated and dreamed and obsessed about water, but could never retain it.  It was my worst nightmare.  My tongue felt like dry paper, and it felt swollen.  I was so unhappy.  In the hospital, they introduced me to Zofran.  I NEVER take medication of any kind – well, hardly ever.  Maybe once a year.  And that is only if I am in extreme pain.  That isn’t counting Novocain at the dentist. J So once this came into my life, it worked like a dream.  I would take a half of a dissolvable tablet every morning and be fine.  I would still be sick every day, but it was much better.  The same with the second pregnancy.  Lots of morning sickness, but I got through it with Zofran.   Also, I would forget to eat lunch.  And just not eat very consistently, although the food I did eat was relatively healthy.   I really feel that this bad habit contributed to my need for Zofran.  So I am trying my best not to have in this time around.  This means that I really do have to compel myself to be stronger in every way and to listen to my body in a new way that I am not used to.  Why is it that my nature always drives me to methods that always take more work on my part?  I am such an independent person.  I deliver my babies naturally without any medication (and on my own terms – and if anyone even dares to speak, I ask them to please be quiet), I do my own birth control – meaning that I track my basal body temperature, track my cervical fluid and position of cervix (works perfectly if you are trying not sonceive, and works PERFECTLY to conceive EXACTLY when you want to!), make all home cooked meals every day, homeschooling my children, etc, etc.  THESE THINGS TAKE SO MUCH TIME AND WORK!  Why do I choose them??  I often wonder what makes us all tick – what makes us all different.  I definitely think it is a good thing.  It will be fun to look back, in the next life, and see the grand scheme of things.

We aren’t telling anyone that we are expecting yet.  It’s like a sacred little nugget of light that you want to hold on to just for a little longer.  I think that something is lost once everything is known, in a way I can’t quite describe.  But as long as it is kept quiet, it is still mine and Isaac’s – and only ours.  It is a very sacred and wonderful thing.

Well, I guess I have told a few people, but only because I needed to.  I needed to contact some home birth midwives, so the friends I contacted about that know, along with the midwives, the man we spoke to about life insurance knows (very random), and maybe one or two other random people I will likely never see again in this life.  J  Oh!  And Mary and William know too, but neither care nor remember at this point.  Although, whenever I ask Mary where the baby is, she points to either her belly or mine.  Cute as can be!  Another reason I, in particular, don’t wish to tell people quite yet is because I am hoping that it will help my pregnancy feel like it goes by a little more quickly.  If I tell people once we know the gender, I will already be half way along!  That sounds lovely to me.

My neighbor comes over almost every morning to visit before she goes to work.  Mary and William and I all love it. J We always have nice chats and enjoy each other’s company.  She is expecting as well.  Well, yesterday, she kindly asked if I had any breakfast food to spare – they hadn’t gone shopping yet (I totally know the predicament).  So I proceeded to put oat groats in a pot to warm up (we don’t have a microwave), and slice up a beautiful Arnott Farms navel orange for her.  She had no idea that at that very moment, I was battling a horrible wave of nausea, but didn’t want to tell her, or my sacred little secret would be out!  So it is moments like that, that I look back upon and laugh at the hilarity of it all.  God has a sense of humor!  I know it won’t be the only story like that I will encounter, but it was a good first one!  Isaac and I got another good laugh once he came home and I told him.  In life, you can either laugh or cry.  It is up to you. 

Well, my time is up.  I hear William crying.  Time to go pick him up and see if I can inspire him to turn his cries into laughs. J

"Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples"

Help make your home like the temple: “Establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God” (D&C 109:8).

Those of you who know me and who have been in my home know that my home is generally clean and in order.  I loooooooooove having a clean home.  I cannot for the life of me feel the spirit in my home if it is messy.  I am just a better person when I am surrounded by beauty and order.  Everything in my home has a place.  And it feels good. 

What you don’t know, is that I have a weakness.  A weakness that happens to be a strength for my husband.  This weakness is something that my mother….and his mother….and everyone’s mother…tries to teach all of her children to overcome.  Do you remember hearing, “Put your shoes away, pleeeeeease!”, or “Please put you backpack in your room!  It doesn’t belong on the floor.” We all remember hearing these words or something similar.  Well, that virtue never stuck for me.  Until now.  (Until now – in my head and in my desires.)

I had this little epiphany the other day.  My home was somewhat messy.  In my room, as I was scrounging up my daughter and all of her bedtime things, I saw the laundry basket full of clean clothes needing to be put away or ironed.  As I went throughout the house, I really began to notice the little things I had just left, out of place – to be put back when “I have time”.  I saw the little mound of papers in my “action folder”, the bobby pins next to my bed-side table, the books on the table, the Amazon box that needed to be returned that had been sitting on the shelf for two weeks, the tape that had been sitting on the desk for a week, and all of the hundreds other random little things sitting where they do not belong and had been sitting there for several days…or longer.  The epiphany came suddenly – I do not have time to clean all of these things AND be the kind of mother and wife and individual I want to be!  And the Still Small Voice gently whispered to me a solution.  “Just put things away as soon as you are through with them.  Put them ALL THE WAY away.  Not just a haphazard pile “to sort or take care of later”.  Well.  That makes sense.  I simply do not have time to teach and love and enjoy my children and husband – PLUS deal with a mess!  But I knew that I NEED a clean home, and I NEEDED to do the things I want to do with my family and self.  So, why don’t I just put things away, right when I finish with them?  Do it until it becomes a habit.  And besides, wouldn’t that then exemplify to my children, in the most powerful way, that this is how we ought to live?  (Side note:  I love that word “ought”.  It carries such meaning.)  If they see me living this way, won’t they too, over time, follow suit?  If I raise the bar high in my home, my children will grow accustomed to that higher road and will seek to strive for it in their own lives.  I of course, do not mean that cleaning my home is more important than anything else.  I know people like that, and I do not aspire to it.  I just want to establish a house of prayer, fasting, faith, learning, glory, order, and a house of God.  Just like the temple.

The Bible Dictionary defines the temple as “…a house of the Lord, a holy sanctuary in which sacred ceremonies and ordinances of the gospel are performed by and for the living and also in behalf of the dead. A place where the Lord may come, it is the most holy of any place of worship on the earth. Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness.”  Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness. Wow!  I want to strive to that!

Elder Gary E Stevenson said, in his talk entitled “Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples”,

“Recently, in a stake conference, all present were invited by the visiting authority, Elder Glen Jenson, an Area Seventy, to take a virtual tour of their homes using their spiritual eyes. I would like to invite each of you to do this also. Wherever your home may be and whatever its configuration, the application of eternal gospel principles within its walls is universal. Let’s begin. Imagine that you are opening your front door and walking inside your home. What do you see, and how do you feel? Is it a place of love, peace, and refuge from the world, as is the temple? Is it clean and orderly? As you walk through the rooms of your home, do you see uplifting images which include appropriate pictures of the temple and the Savior? Is your bedroom or sleeping area a place for personal prayer? Is your gathering area or kitchen a place where food is prepared and enjoyed together, allowing uplifting conversation and family time? Are scriptures found in a room where the family can study, pray, and learn together? Can you find your personal gospel study space? Does the music you hear or the entertainment you see, online or otherwise, offend the Spirit? Is the conversation uplifting and without contention? That concludes our tour. Perhaps you, as I, found a few spots that need some “home improvement”—hopefully not an ‘extreme home makeover.’

In order to keep the temple and those who attend it sacred and worthy, the Lord has established standards through His servants, the prophets. We may be well-advised to consider together, in family council, standards for our homes to keep them sacred and to allow them to be a “house of the Lord.” The admonition to “establish … a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God” provides divine insight into the type of home the Lord would have us build.  Doing such begins the construction of a "spiritual mansion" in which we all may reside regardless of our worldly circumstance~a home filled with treasure that "neither moth nor rust doth corrupt."

I know that as I place things in their proper order immediately after I am through with them, my home will become a place of refuge – even more than it already is.  My children will understand more about the temple by learning how to care for our home and those thing over which we are stewards.  I am excited to turn this weakness into a strength, and I am so excited to experience the results!

It is Sunday.  The Ogden Temple dedication was today, and it was a beautiful ceremony.  Isaac mentioned that it was strange that the dedication was being broadcasted for the whole state to see.  (At least I think it is for the whole state.  I admit I don’t know.)  I hadn’t thought about that before.  I grew up going to all of the temple dedications in my state (in person, or broadcast) – even if the temple was hours away from me, and it wasn’t “our temple”.  Why?  It got me thinking.  Here are my thoughts.  In our religion, we are all about repetition, and remembrance, and signs and symbols.  The same is true for what goes on in the temple.  We may tire of repetition – especially in Sunday School, but if we have the right perspective, we will find that through that repetition, new knowledge comes.  After all, revelation and light comes line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little, there a little. So why are we asked to attend these temple dedications, even if they aren’t “our temple”?  Repetition. Remembrance. Signs, and Symbols.  If our regular church meetings are canceled, all are invited to attend the temple dedication, where we are pleasantly and strongly reminded of the wonderful, eternal blessings that come from attending the temple as often as we can.  Through the repetition of the signs and symbols taught there, we learn a little more about the saving mission of Jesus Christ, the Plan of Salvation, and our purpose in all of it.  My favorite talk was given by David A Bednar.  Something he said really stood out to me.  He spoke about how we are all dressed identically in white in the temple.  All positions of rank, or certifications, or anything that sets us apart – “higher” or “lower” – in the outside world, in our society – dissolves in the temple, and we are one.  I had never thought about the fact that we are dressed identically in the temple.  Sure, there are slight differences in dress.  For example, my white slippers may have hard soles, while yours may be soft slippers, and my temple outfit is a dress, while yours may be a blouse and skirt.  But while we may take small notice of these differences, they are similar enough that we don’t continue thinking about it, or analyzing everything the person is wearing, how it fits, if it is in style or not, or if the colors/patterns work well together, etc.  No, because we all look similar in dress, and our dress doesn’t cause us to ponder about how much that person makes, how rich they are, and what good (or bad) taste they have – we begin to focus on the person.  With our appearance out of the equation, what sets us apart from others are our spiritual gifts, and different qualities of Christ.  We all come from Heavenly Mother and Father.  Likewise, just as with our Earthly parents, we each have inherited different qualities of them – divine qualities, if I may.  There is the elderly woman with that shining light in her eyes, who can make a person feel immense love, just by looking and smiling warmly at them.  That quality comes from her Heavenly Parents.  There is the man who can make any person laugh, and bring joy to everyone in a room – the kind of joy that lingers in your heart even after you have left that room. That quality comes from his Heavenly Parents.  There is the young lady who knows just what to say to affirm your feelings – whether they be sad or glad feelings – and helps uplift you in your time of need, and is glad with you in times of joy.  She is a true friend.  These are qualities that come from her Heavenly Parents.   And then there is you!  You have qualities that come from your Heavenly parents!  You may already know what they are and are cultivating them, and using them to further the Lord’s work on the Earth!  You may already know what they are, but are still searching for some of them.  (Patriarchal blessing comes to mind.) I am still searching for some of mine.  You may not feel that you have any qualities of our Heavenly Parents. You may feel like you have been discarded - whether by society, friends, family, or even God.  That’s okay.  I can understand those feelings.  But remember – “fan the flame of your faith”.  Even if your faith isn’t a flame, but a flicker.  Fan the flicker of your faith.  Even if it is just a hope.  Hope is the precursor to faith, and it is very powerful if you let it be.  Two years ago, and again last year, I experienced something so difficult.  The most difficult thing I have ever had to endure.  I hid it from others, other than my husband and God, and nobody ever knew what I was suffering.  What I suffered was not an Abrahamic trial, testing my faith to its limits, like Abraham with Isaac.  It was a trial of a different nature.  It caused me to question my entire life, I became quite depressed, and I questioned my marriage and my role in society and my family.  Nearly every aspect of my life was shaken and I was mortified, and so very, very hurt and sad and confused, and angry. Thankfully, the religious aspect of my life wasn’t shaken.  I am grateful that my testimony has always been strong, and that I will never have to struggle in that way.  But I know that many do.  We all have our trials that we must overcome. But even though my testimony was strong and I never doubted that God was beside me, by far, this was the darkest period of my life, and I felt that I would never be able to be normal again.  A great injustice had been done against me, and I felt it had altered my life.  I would never feel true joy again. I would never feel whole and free again.  These feelings are real.  Do NOT judge others when they are feeling this way, because for them, in that moment, it is very real.  And in some way, it is expected to feel this way, for a time. This was my problem.  I allowed myself to suffer by myself for far too long.  Sure, I never stopped believing in God, or that he loved me, or that he understood me and was watching over me, but it took me a long time  - a couple of years – to truly allow His atonement to change my life.  After months and months of struggling alone, inside my head and my heart, I knelt down to figure things out.  I had been alone for too long.  Jesus Christ already paid the price for my sufferings and my sorrows a long time ago.  The price was already paid, so why was I continuing to pay for it, by myself – in vain?  When I knelt down, I decided to fan that flame of my faith, and give this pain to Him.  Why should I continue to suffer needlessly, when my older brother has already suffered for me? I had already exceeded that “mourning period” – months ago.  It was time.  Past due, in fact.  So that is what I did.  Mind you, it took strength – strength I did not have.  So I borrowed strength from the Holy Ghost, the great comforter. I wish I could tell you that the change in me was instant and that a miraculous change of heart occurred and that the burden was lifted off of my shoulders immediately.  That would have been lovely.  But I can’t tell you that.  I can, however, tell you that I felt peace, and warmth and love.  And little by little, precept by precept, here a little and there a little, I began to heal.  Healing meant that I continually had to fall on my knees and give that day’s particular pains and sorrows, or negative thoughts about myself or another to Him.  It was a daily struggle.  No, it was an hourly struggle.  And it was not easy.  But do you know what?  Through the power and Atonement of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I have been made whole.  I write that with tears in my eyes, because it was only last week when I realized that.  I never thought that I would feel whole again.  The deep abyss in my life has been filled.  The miracle in all of this is that what has come in its place is something more than what I previously had before this trial.  I testify that the trials we experience, if we do so with the Atonement written upon our hearts, can become stepping stones to something far greater than before.  Although I would NEVER ask for this trial to be thrust upon me, I look upon it with thankfulness now, because it has brought me closer to God, and closer to my family, and closer to my greatest goal in life. I love the Lord.  He is my Savior and my redeemer.  The days of miracles HAVE NOT ENDED.  I know that we are loved, and that there are people on both sides of the veil fighting for our salvation and our happiness and our success.  Let them fight for you, and with that borrowed strength I wrote about earlier, let us fight with them!